


Kiss Me

by TotidemVerbis



Series: HBO War One Shots And Drabbles [3]
Category: Generation Kill
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 14:24:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13503417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotidemVerbis/pseuds/TotidemVerbis
Summary: Graduation has finally arrived, but Ray still hasn't told a certain somehow his true feeling. He wasn't really planning on it either, but the universe has different ideas.





	Kiss Me

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a Music Prompt on tumblr, and I really suggest listening to the song as you read. Because I listened to it on repeat while reading. 
> 
> The song is: [Kiss Me Before I Fucking Lose My Mind by Charlie Puth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_d-xamZAgA).

Three years. Ray’s life had followed the same routine for three entire years, with barely any deviation from the norm. During the day, he went to his college classes and gave the lectures just enough of his attention to get a passing grade. In between classes, he joked around with friends and drank his weight in coffee to keep himself going. At nights, he worked at a coffee shop that was open all night to help pay for…everything. Class, friends, work. Every day was basically the same. And weaved into all of it was thoughts of a certain senior that was probably going to be gone in a week. Finals were over, graduation was right around the corner, and Ray was going to have to say goodbye to Nate. 

_Nate Fick_. It was an unlikely friendship. Ray was the guy who stumbled into class late and dozed in the back of the room, occasionally still in his pajamas. Nate was the one sitting in the front row, diligently taking notes, and actually engaging in discussions. They were different, in almost every way, but they’d become friends over the years. Nate spent most of his free time in the coffee shop where Ray worked, and their late night banter had changed into late night talks about literally everything. It sucked that Nate was a year older than him and about to graduate, while Ray still had a year to go, but that wasn’t Ray’s biggest problem. Yeah, friends moved on but they could stay in touch. That’s what phones and the internet were for. 

Ray wasn’t saying goodbye to a friend. He was gonna have to say goodbye to the guy he’d been pining over for the past three years. (Yes, he realized that sounded pathetic but Nate had been tying him up in knots since their first meeting.) For the entire past semester, Ray had felt the words burning at his throat whenever Nate was within shouting distance. The only problem was that he couldn’t seem to actually get the words out, which was rare for him. Ray had never been shy before, never had a problem with voicing what was on his mind, but Nate seemed to be the exception. It was driving Ray crazy, especially since time was running out. In a week, Nate would be gone. Off to do whatever genius-level college graduates do. He probably wouldn’t see Nate again until he was running for President or something. 

“You’re moping.”

“Fuck off, I’m not moping,” Ray snapped without looking away from the counter. He’d been cleaning the same spot for about ten minutes, but the coffee shop was dead tonight so he could space out if he wanted to. 

“Moping. Pining. Whatever you want to call it, it’s annoying.” Ray locked his elbow and scrubbed a little harder, and he heard a long sigh coming from the other side of the counter. “Just tell him. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Walter. Soul crushing rejection?” Ray glanced up just in time to see Walt roll his eyes, and Ray kinda felt like smacking himself. He sounded like he was on some kind of teen drama show. Next he was going to be overlooking a lake and lamenting about his loneliness. _Ugh_. 

“Even Brad thinks you should say something,” Walt said quietly. Ray stopped scrubbing the pristine counter at that and looked at Walt with wide eyes, and Walt just stared back at him with a hint of a smile on his face. 

“Bullshit,” Ray finally decided. Brad might have been his best friend, tied with Walt most days, but Brad was also anti-relationships. Ray had a theory that Brad was actually allergic to positive feelings. Or he was some kind of robot that couldn’t process real emotion. Definitely one of the two. 

“He said that listening to you blubber on at two in the morning while dead drunk was an affront to his warrior spirit, and that you should stop being such a little bitch and just be honest with the guy.” Ray raised a brow, because that mostly sounded like Brad, but something was off. Walt sighed again and crossed his arms, and Ray waited him out. “Okay, there might have been some insults mixed in. I’m paraphrasing.”

“That sounds more like him,” Ray said absently. He heard the little bell over their door jingle, which was annoying since he only had five minutes left in his shift, and he was grumbling under his breath when he leaned up on his toes to look around Walt. _Shit_. 

“See you at the apartment,” Walt whispered. He swiped his coffee and then quickly walked away from the counter, and Ray tried to set him on fire just by glaring at the traitor’s back. He heard Walt say a quick hey to the only other person in the shop before hurrying out of the door, and Ray was still scowling when Nate stepped up to the counter. 

“The usual?” Ray asked through a forced smile. Nate was smiling at him, Nate was always smiling at him which was totally unfair, and he raised a brow as he looked over his shoulder towards the door. 

“Fighting with Walt again?” Nate asked as he leaned his elbows against the counter. Walt was one of his closest friends and his roommate, so they got into squabbles regularly. Ray normally recounted said squabbles to Nate just to see him laugh, but this was one that he was going to keep to himself. For several reasons. The biggest reason? Because this one was about how Ray was too much of a coward to just say something to Nate. To say _anything_. 

“Walt just thinks he knows shit, but he doesn’t. Usual?” Three minutes. Ray only had three minutes and then he was free to leave. (Free to run away.)

“Yeah, sure.” Nate looked a little confused, probably because Ray usually wasn’t so brusque and actually enjoyed conversing, but Ray wasn’t in the mood for a friendly chat tonight. He knew that he was going to have to say goodbye to Nate soon, too soon, and he wasn’t looking forward to it. So instead of attempting to carry on a conversation, Ray just focused on making Nate’s usual coffee order. 

Normally, Ray was a fast worker. It was how he’d kept the job for three years, but he drug it out a little tonight. By the time he was putting Nate’s coffee on the counter in front of him, his shift was over. His replacement came in right on time, for once, and Ray didn’t waste a second taking off his work apron and getting out from around the counter. He turned to say goodnight to Nate, because he wasn’t a total dick, but then he realized that Nate was walking right alongside of him. That was okay though, because they lived in opposite directions. So Ray could just say goodnight once they left the coffee shop, except…Nate turned to walk in the same direction as him. 

“You lost, homes? You live that way,” Ray said and jerked a thumb over his shoulder. He was walking straight ahead but had his head turned so that he could look at Nate, which meant he could see the way Nate smiled before he took a small sip of his coffee. 

“I’ve barely seen you at all in the past two weeks, so I’m walking you home,” Nate explained. This wasn’t the first time that Nate had walked him home, but that was usually because Nate was headed to the library that was in the same vicinity as Ray’s apartment. Finals were over though and Nate didn’t even have his bag with him, so Ray knew he wasn’t going to the library tonight. 

Their walk was quiet, which was definitely not normal for them. Nate liked picking his brain on all kinds of topics, and Ray loved running his mouth. Their walks were usually filled with the two of them talking over each other but still managing to hold a conversation, but now they were quiet. Ray’s throat was burning again, words were trapped just on the tip of his tongue, and he shoved his hands into his pockets as he scuffed his toes against the sidewalk. He could feel Nate looking at him in between long sips of his coffee, but Ray couldn’t even try to pretend to talk normally to him. All he could think about was that he was going to have to say goodbye without ever telling Nate the truth, and he hated himself just a little because he’d always been able to talk to Nate. About anything.

About a minute away from his apartment, Nate stopped walking and tossed his empty cup into a recycling bin. Ray stopped, but he didn’t turn around to face Nate. He kept facing forward and waited for Nate to start walking again. They were close to his apartment now, where Ray could say goodnight and then disappear inside to drown his sorrows in the bottle of cheap whiskey hidden under his bed. It was a solid plan. He just needed Nate to hurry the hell up, because Ray felt like he was starting to go crazy. Words and confessions were bouncing around his head, his throat felt hot and tight, and he was shaking like he was about to fly apart. It wasn’t a fun feeling. 

“What’s wrong? Did I do something? Say something?” Nate was standing behind him, and Ray clenched his teeth as he looked up at the dark sky. He couldn’t just leave it alone. Couldn’t just walk Ray home and say goodnight like a normal person. 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m all good.” Ray looked over his shoulder with a smile that felt convincing, but it must not have looked convincing because Nate’s brows drew down. Ray held perfectly still as Nate slowly walked around him until they were facing each other, and he tipped his head back just a little to look into Nate’s eyes. 

“No, something isn’t right. I know you, Ray. I know when something is wrong.” This was another downside to falling for a friend. Nate could read him, just as well as Brad or Walt could, but he’d never figured out the one thing that Ray wanted him to. Because Ray didn’t want to say it. If Nate kept looking at him like that though, all concerned and shit, Ray was going to just let it all out. 

_“He’ll be gone in a week anyway. So why the fuck not?”_ Shit, Ray was actually going to tell him. After three years of keeping his mouth shut and just dealing with it, he was finally just going to tell the truth and let that be that. Because he wasn’t going to say goodbye until he’d said this first. 

“If you know me so fucking well, then why didn’t you ever figure out that I’m in love with you?” Ray didn’t often get to see Nate surprised, but his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open just a little at the admission. And _fuck_ , it felt good to finally just say it. It felt so good that Ray just kept on going. “I thought you had to know, because it’s not like I’m subtle. But you never said anything, so I never said anything. Now you’re going to leave and I feel like I’m going out of my fucking mind because every time I look at you all I want to do is grab you and kiss you until you forget all about your grand future plans. And I realize how fucking stupid that sounds, but you are literally driving me crazy. Have been driving me crazy for years. And I should have said all this sooner when I might have had a chance, but I didn’t so I’m saying it all now. So let me down gently or however you want to do it, just hurry up and—”

There was a hand gripping the back of his hair and holding him in place, and Ray felt fingertips tracing over his jaw as lips moved against his. He always pictured Nate as a soft kisser, maybe a little hesitant, and he’d never been so happy about being wrong. Nate kept him right where he wanted him as he coaxed Ray’s lips apart, and Ray would have been embarrassed about the quiet sound he made when Nate pressed forward to taste him if he wasn’t so busy trying to pull Nate closer. He had both hands tangled in the back of Nate’s shirt as he opened up to Nate’s kiss, and the only reason he pulled away was because his chest was burning from going so long without breathing. 

“You should have said something sooner.” Ray felt every word against his lips as he strained upwards, and he shivered despite the heat in the night air as Nate nipped at his bottom lip. Who knew the upstanding Nate Fick had so many hidden depths?

“Yeah, well, I’m an idiot.” The hand in his hair tightened as Nate kissed him again, but the kiss was way too brief in Ray’s opinion. “What do we do now?”

“We’ll figure it out in the morning.” It took a few seconds for the words to register in Ray’s mind, and he felt his eyes widening as he pulled back enough to get a good look at Nate’s face. There was a little bit of color in his cheeks, and his kiss swollen lips were stretched in a smile. 

“Normally I’d insist that you buy me dinner first—”

“I’ve been buying you food for years.”

“—but I think we can skip to the good stuff.” Nate’s hand found his and then laced their fingers together, and Ray started pulling him in the direction of his apartment. He was pretty sure he was headed towards his apartment. He kept looking over his shoulder to make sure that Nate was there and real, even though they were still holding hands, because a part of him kept expecting to wake up at any moment. 

“And Ray?” It sounded like Nate. Looked like Nate. He still hadn’t woken up, so maybe this was real life. 

“Hmm?” He had to keep glancing ahead of him to make sure that he was heading in the right direction and not veering off course, because he couldn’t seem to look away from Nate for more than a few seconds. 

“I love you too.” Ray stumbled before coming to a complete stop, and Nate knocked into his back and quickly wrapped an arm around his waist to keep them both upright. Ray was looking over his shoulder and up, and had Nate’s eyes always been this green?

“You can’t just say shit like that. We’re in public.” They were standing on an empty sidewalk with no one around, for the moment, but it still counted as public. Nate’s smile pressed against his for a second and then he was nudging Ray forward. Right, apartment, privacy. Ray quickened his steps because he needed to get Nate alone as soon as possible, before he fucking lost his mind again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
